English  |  Deutsch 

How might I be feeling when I’m told I need to use donor eggs?

Category:
1 fertility expert(s) answered this question

Answer from: Becky Kearns

Fertility Coach, Patient Advocate and Founder of www.definingmum.com and Paths To Parent Hub
play-video-icon-yt

There could be a vast amount of different feelings that you can have when you are first told you need to use donor eggs, whether that be after a long fertility journey or at the beginning of your fertility journey. I think if I come back to my own personal experience, my initial reaction was denial ‘no this isn’t happening to me, I don’t need to use someone else’s eggs, i’m going to make it work’. Then I shifted straight into action mode of what I could do with my own eggs. It was over the course of fifteen months or so that I really started to come to terms with the fact that actually it wasn’t going to work with my eggs and I would have to consider using donor eggs.

So what I would say is that it is a process, a process where you will have so many different feelings, it’s almost like the change curve and the grief curve, you are grieving the loss of your own genetics, the child you’d always imagined and you’re grieving the opportunity to see yourself physically in a child and to pass on your legacy. To go through that you need to start re imagining what that child might look like and what your dream is. For me what I did is almost start to think of what it was that I really wanted out of being a mom. That is when I started redefining what it meant and it was day to day things such as building memories together, taking my daughter to school and when I pick her up it’s one of the best moments of the day when she comes running to me. It’s just those family moments that are not brought about by genetics, it’s more through love and I realised I didn’t need to have a genetic bond to have everything that I’ve always wanted with my children. So I would say be kind to yourself, it takes time to talk to other people. Try and think about what it is you want from having a child and just see whether you can redefine what that dream is in your mind.

About this question:

How does it feel to use donor eggs?

Egg donation can be very challenging to accept for women in terms of giving up their own genetics. In terms of pregnancy itself, it is like any other pregnancy. What actually makes it all that difficult?

Find similar questions:

Related questions

How do I address other people’s comments?

Becky Kerns

Becky Kearns,
Fertility Coach

Watch answers »

What information do we have about the donor medical history?

Becky Kerns

Becky Kearns,
Fertility Coach

Watch answers »

What reactions can I expect from others?

Becky Kerns

Becky Kearns,
Fertility Coach

Watch answers »

What are the success rates?

Becky Kerns

Becky Kearns,
Fertility Coach

Watch answers »

How might my child feel?

Becky Kerns

Becky Kearns,
Fertility Coach

Watch answers »

What types of donors are available?

Becky Kerns

Becky Kearns,
Fertility Coach

Watch answers »