Answer from: Becky Kearns
This can be a huge fear for people as well, what will people think, what will they say and I think it can really depend. From my own experience and through speaking to many others, I think quite often were pleasantly surprised by the reaction of people. I think we can worry about these things and worry that people will make comments and use an alternative path to parenthood.
I often find that if you give people the contacts and if you allow them to see the journey that you’ve been on, they more often than not will be empathetic to what that means to you. Sometimes it can be really difficult to find the words, it can be quite a personal thing to share, and I have create a resource which allows people to say to family and friends, this is what we’re doing, here’s some information for you to go and learn about it and it also talks to them about how they can best support you as a family, when you’re embarking down this path and it answers some of the questions they may have but may not want to ask you.
There are tools out there to help you with this. Personally I’ve not had any real negative reactions but I’ve had the odd reaction of ‘oh i don’t know if i could do that’, which can be quite difficult to hear because you kind of think to yourself ,well i’m not really asking for your opinion but it’s obviously not something that you would do, you can never make that judgment because they are not in that position, you can only make this decision if you’ve been through what you’ve been through and you’re in that position. Therefore I think that it’s important if you’re sharing this , say that you’re not asking for opinions, you’re sharing it with them because it’s personal to you, you trust them as a loved one with this information and that you hope they will support you with it. So I think it’s definitely a worry for many people, a generational issue can sometimes come into play where parents or grandparents may not understand how things work but there are tools there that help you talk to other people about it. It can be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders knowing that others are there to support you. Then also your children start talking about how they came to be and they won’t be met with blank faces or people asking questions. But instead there will be encouragement and empowerment as well talking about their story.
What reactions can I expect from others when they find out about egg donation?
Decision about proceeding with egg donation is difficult by itself. On top of that, patients worry about how and when to tell children and what reaction they can expect. How about others? Family members and strangers?