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Will I be seen as the real mum?

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1 fertility expert(s) answered this question

Answer from: Becky Kearns

Fertility Coach, Patient Advocate and Founder of www.definingmum.com and Paths To Parent Hub
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A big question for many people, a big worry is being seen as the legitimate parent and if people know that I am not the genetic parent will they think any less of me as a mom. I had this fear very early on with my first child and I remember going to baby groups, looking around and I could instantly see the resemblances and I think I was overthinking it between the mums. iIwas there with my child and it was in those early days and I was still struggling in learning how to settle her. Very early on you’re learning to be a mum and every single mum in that room was probably feeling the same but I was hanging the hat on donor conception and that’s the reason why I’m struggling with this. I was worried that if I’d be seen to be struggling or to ask for help it was me failing again and they would think it’s because she’s not the real mum. It’s as I’ve developed, grown and spoken to people I’ve realized that real doesn’t mean genetics. Real is everything that you do for them, the role that you play and as I’ve become more comfortable in that role I know that I am their only mum in that sense. It is about redefining what it means to be a parent again and you are doing far more than just caring for them. You are raising that person, you are teaching, nurturing and feeding them.

About this question:

What defines you as a mother?

What makes you feel like a mum? Is the mother who gives birth or the one that takes care of the child? ​

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