Answer from: Sarah Banks
How can I help myself move forward if infertility is making me feel like I’m stuck in a rut? A lot of people I speak to feel very much like they get stuck in a root when they’re trying to get pregnant and maybe stop doing things like looking for new jobs booking holidays. They feel like their life isn’t moving forward because this big thing that they want which is to have a baby, is not happening. So they put everything else on hold and just feel like they can see everybody around and their lives are moving forward. They’re getting married, they’re having babies, getting jobs they want, and it can really make you feel like you’re stuck in a rut and that you’re not moving forward, that your life’s at a stand still. It’s really normal to feel like that, so please don’t feel you’re on your own with that. It’s normal to feel this way. You’re putting all your focus onto something that’s taking longer than you’d hoped so it’s normal to feel that way.
What I would say is try not to put things off. I got to the point where I started thinking, well, I’m not going to put off getting a new job in case I get pregnant because that’s a bonus. If I get a new job and get pregnant, it’s a nice problem to solve. If I’ve booked a holiday and I have to cancel it well it’s a nice problem to solve. It was a big mindset shift because I felt like, well, at least things were still happening. I was still doing something. I was still doing things that made me smile, and actually, I’d be quite happy to have to cancel a holiday because I was pregnant. So try and think about the things that you’ve been putting off and why you’re putting them off. Do you need to put them off? Think about things that you’d like to do and achieve.
So again, we may be put off doing things because it’s overwhelming going through treatment and trying to get pregnant. We feel we don’t have the time, but that just adds to the feeling of not moving forward with anything. So maybe if you’ve been in a job and you’d like a new one, start thinking about how you could do that so you could move forward. It only has to be small steps like researching, creating your CV and looking around at job adverts. If you’ve always wanted to have a career change, but you’re putting off, you could be holding off and holding off and holding off, and you don’t know for how long, start making steps towards that. So if it’s something you really want to do, rather than putting off, think about what small things you can get started with so that if in one or two years you still don’t have your baby, you’ll be further along with that, at least, than you were before. If you wanted to go on holidays and you’ve been putting them off, start booking holidays and work it around treatment.
Still, you’re doing something that makes you smile. You’re taking time out for yourself; you’re taking time out as a couple. So make a list of all the things you’d really love to do, things you’re holding off doing, hobbies you want to learn, things you want to do and start working on making some of those things happen so that things are moving forward in your life. The other thing you can do if you feel like you’re stuck in a row, in the meantime, is making sure you’re in your optimum state for conceiving. You can be continuously doing that. So working on lifestyle and making sure you’re in the best state emotionally and physically to get pregnant either naturally or when you start treatment. Even if you feel you’re stuck in a root while you’re waiting for treatment to start, you can still be doing things to help that process along. It’s completely normal to feel like you’re stuck in a rut but maybe start thinking about small changes you can make to work towards those things you’ve been putting off. So that you’re still creating a life you are happy with whilst you’re waiting to get pregnant.
How to help yourself if you're struggling with infertility?
Feeling like you are stuck in a rut? Find out how you can help yourself regain balance and confidence.