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How do I stop obsessing over getting pregnant?

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5 fertility expert(s) answered this question

Answer from: Elli Papadopoulou, BSc

Psychologist, In Vivo Fertility, Founder and CEO
In Vivo Fertility
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How do I stop obsessing over getting pregnant?
Again I am going to start with my favorite question…HOW?
How do you obsess over getting pregnant? What are the specific behaviours that you demonstrate and according to you indicate obsessing?
By methodically understanding the meaning of obsessing for you, you will be in a better position to recognize it when it happens, and maybe on a second level and with the help of a mental healthcare professional, move towards re-adjusting your thought constructs and behavior patterns related to ‘obsessing’.

 

Answer from: Karenna Wood

Fertility Coach, Founder of YourFertilityHub.com
Your Fertility Hub
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It is so easy to obsess over getting pregnant during infertility. It becomes the most all-consuming thing. In terms of on the computer, doctor Google and answering all these questions, being in chat rooms and forums, the best way to manage that is to set yourself some boundaries particularly with that online behavior. What I’ve found over the years is that managing your social media time or presence can be very important, you can get so much so many benefits from social media but it can also be a real source of stress and pain as you’re going through infertility. Whether it’s time to take a pause from that, or whether to mute or block certain people that may be causing some pain, you have the controls over that, so I encourage you to control that.

In terms of the online behavior, when you’re researching maybe again set some limits, say “I’m going to look this up for 30 minutes and then I’m going to step away” and actually set a timer on your phone or something in your house to remind you to move on after that because you can often get down so many online rabbit holes it becomes very very difficult to get off the computer when you’re looking through those.

Outside of the technology side of things, in your own head, it’s very hard to get away from the thoughts around it so active distraction is very key, relaxation practices such as meditation, or breathing, or yoga. They can be very important. Social distraction, getting out, interacting with others, sometimes it can be hard to push yourself to do that but often very beneficial.

Lastly, another way to get out of your own head in a way is through altruism. Often giving back to others can give so much to ourselves, so perhaps looking into some volunteering is a way. Perhaps it’s a time maybe where you might want to look at learning a new skill or re-engaging with an activity that you’ve done before such as a creative activity like music or art. I think remembering and getting back to you and what brings you joy is such an important part of weathering through infertility in a better way.

Answer from: Natalie Silverman

Fertility Coach, Freedom Fertility Formula Specialist and co-host of The Fertility Podcast
Freedom Fertility Formula Specialist and co-host of The Fertility Podcast
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I think it’s really important when you’re trying to conceive to not make it seem like a catastrophe for your future because you can only control what is happening in the here and now. There is no doubt that if you have had a diagnosis of infertility, you will be seeking support form medical professionals and you have to trust that they are doing what is best for you and you can keep asking questions, have a notebook and make sure that if there is something that doesn’t sit right with you the next time you see your fertility expert , ask them more questions.

But there is no point in obsessing about it because there is no guarantee that it’s going to happen. What you can do is try and do everything in your power to put yourself in the best place possible and that can be from making lifestyle changes with your diet, from having more holistic things going on, from practicing yoga, to trying acupuncture, doing different mindfulness practices that could help you feel better, but obsessing about it isn’t going to do you any favors. There is no point in comparing yourself to other people, it isn’t fair what is happening to you and the sooner that you go easier on yourself, this isn’t your fault or your partner’s fault if you’re in a relationship, there is nobody to blame for this. But you are in a place where you can empower yourself with all the information that you need and have access to the experts that you need to hopefully move forward and be able to start or complete your family.

Answer from: Wendy Martin, Developmental Psychology

Fertility Coach, Specialist Fertility and Miscarriage Counsellor
Wendy Martin
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I’m not actually sure it’s possible to be honest with you. It seems to me, as though it’s just a natural reaction in women particularly more so than men to the worry that they’re not going to get pregnant. Now, it might be that these days women start obsessing sooner rather than later, that they become more obsessed about it earlier than they would maybe 10 or 20 years ago because when I first started, there wasn’t the internet and people couldn’t google things and go on all these support groups and so on. So, I think, people can just start to google things and I think you can get a bit addictive but I would say, even without the internet, women probably have always obsessed because I think once you begin to think you’re not going to have a baby, women will start to obsess and their thoughts are on it the whole time because I guess, their bodies are cyclical: they have hormones that they know when they’re going to ovulate, probably they start to get to know when they’re ovulating, they start to know when they’ve got to have sex so, that they can try, they then know that two weeks are going to pass is it working “am I pregnant aren’t/I pregnant” and so, the thoughts are always there and then what they call “the knicker checking” going to the toilet – “have I started my period; am I pregnant; aren’t I pregnant” so, they’re all all these. Women have kind of like little signs in their bodies, little twinges, little their boobs hurt a bit or get tender or they feel all sorts of things or they can tell when they’re going to have a period because they start to get PMT, premenstrual tension and they start to feel irritated and they get their gripes and they know so, all the time their bodies are reminding them that they’re trying for a baby. I don’t think it’s possible to get away from it. I know some women do become extremely obsessed with googling and researching and reading – it it can become very very very almost dysfunctional, I would say extreme and it’s like any, it’s almost like addictive behavior. Maybe it’s helpful a little to read something but sometimes it’s even more confusing or more distressing or more upsetting or more worrying or more anxiety provoking so, it’s very difficult. It’s a difficult world that women live in at the moment, I have to say that it almost facilitates obsession, obsessing about it and like anything you hear about, people who are just completely they’re addicted to their phone or they’re addicted to get some games that they play or something to try to stop doing it is quite hard and I think you’d need to be a very very strong person to sort of get off facebook and stop googling and just take life as it comes and just go with the flow and trust. I trust that the process is going to unfold as it will and there’s nothing that you can do about it. All of these things are incredibly difficult, too hard for people  to work on within themselves.
So, the question: how do I stop obsessing over getting pregnant? I don’t really know. I just think it’s almost inevitable and I personally don’t ever come across women who say “oh no I’m not obsessing about it; oh i never look on the internet; oh no I just go with the flow whatever the doctor tells me to do”. That’s what I do. Maybe they’re just the ones that don’t need therapy but most of the people that I talk to are really really very engrossed in that and their husbands get worried about them. That’s the trouble, they’re like you’re always on that computer, you’re always on your phone, you’re always doing your research and equally they get very cross with the husbands because the husbands are not interested in googling all the time and being on their phone, they feel that they’re not engaging and they’re not involved and they before they don’t care and it’s not true that they don’t care. They’re just different, they just truly are. They’re this men, do not google like women, I don’t care what anyone says, they just don’t and yeah how to stop it huge amount of willpower if you wanted to.

Answer from: Monica Bivas

Fertility Coach
Monica Bivas Mindset & Holistic Fertility Coach
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That is something that happens most of the time even when we are trying to conceive naturally. Because when I started I didn’t know I had an issue so I was expecting that the following month I was going to get pregnant because sometimes we take it for granted, right? So you need to be aware of when you are getting obsessed and what the signs are. The signs are that we forget that the world exists around you, the science is that you are taking out your frustration at your closest ones, or the ones that you love the most and then problems start to arise.

For example, if you have a partner and our hormonal levels from our fertility treatment are driving us much crazier than what we are naturally, we have the tendency to take it out on our partner, that can create issues between us and can also create some feeling in our other half, that is going to create; okay I might not be doing this, I don’t want this if this is going to be like that. So, by recognizing that, and it is very difficult for us humans to recognize when we are obsessed with something or when we are angry, we always want to find someone else to blame for our feelings, it is a natural thing.

So I think when we see that any of our reactions or the obsessions that we have about getting pregnant and having a baby is creating issues in our regular life, with our partner, with our kids if we already have, then we need to kind of look and be observant from the outside, then observe our reactions. For example, I am very sarcastic. I used to be super sarcastic with my husband when I was going through that. And I was not able to see it until my mom told me, ‘you are kind of wired, you know’ and then I sat and I said, ‘really’, sometimes you need a reminder from someone that is outside to recognize that. And I went to look within and I realized, ‘oh my gosh, yes’. So I need to chill, I need to chill a little bit.

So, being observant of your own behavior, if you are obsessing over a baby is very obvious because this is what happens when we have infertility. So if it is obvious and you are surrounded by a community of people who are also going through the same, that can help you too. So observe your reactions to the obsession of getting pregnant and add to it the fun of it. So remember, again, is sex automated? Sex is not automated anymore. So let’s assume that today is my ovulation day or tomorrow is going to be my transfer so unless the doctor tells you not to have sex or something, but you can ask, always ask your doctor or endocrinologist, ‘doctor, can I have sex with my husband, can I continue having my normal sex life?’ so he will tell you yes or no. So during the day that it’s going to be normal before your transfer or before your procedure… enjoy it. Life is to enjoy and live, live life with plus and minuses because that is the only thing we can do. And we must force ourselves to do it because human nature is very difficult to handle.

About this question:

Should I quit obsessing about getting pregnant?

How to get rid of the obsession of becoming a mother and live your life to the fullest and trying to conceive at the same time?

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